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household chores as a member of the family, but dollar amounts are set for We are currently at the $5 level for a 9- and 11-year-old.
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My partner and I are taking in her little sister who is 11. I am 23, and although have had lots of experience with kids, want to make sure the grounds are covered with rules. This is a huge change for all of us and I want to make sure this change happens as smooth as possible. I could really use some parenting advice, anything would be appriciated
here are a few to start:
-bedtime: 9:30
-always keep her room picked up---- it won't be spotless but as long as there's no garbage or toys in the floor and the bed is made, be grateful :)
-no phone calls after 8 pm
-no computer after 8 pm.
-no friends over on school nights
-no staying at a friends on school nights
-no movie rated more than pg-13 (some pg-13 movies she still shouldn't see... just use your judgement)
-homework completed and checked before she uses the phone or the computer or watches tv
-as far as chores go, she can empty the dishwasher and sort her own laundry into darks, lights, and whites, and put her laundry away after it's folded. she may even help you fold it.
as far as anything else goes, just play it by ear. good luck hon! hope this helped
How do you want this child to behave? Do you expect her to respect your home and yourselves? Then set rules accordingly.
just talk to her and set some fair rules going both ways. you suggest one and she counteracts then come up with a comprimise.
Good for you to be there for her.
At 11, she should be quite self sufficient, showering herself, getting breakfast, bike or walk or bus to school (if one of those yellow American school buses -not a regular UK bus!). She should feel quite grown up and should hopefully respond well to having household responsibilities.
I would encourage her to iron her own uniform, join clubs, have friends over, visit friends. Ask her opinion on her room decor and what she likes to do for fun and make lots of family time plans to help her integrate with this new life.
Have fun together!.
make her bed, clean her room, do the dishes or cook, don't swear, use your manners, a rule for all of you 3 would be respect each other, always knock on bedroom doors that would go for u 2 as well
you need to make her feel welcome, but this does not mean treating her like a guest. everyone in your household should have chores to earn their keep. at age 11, her responsibilities should include doing her homework, keeping her own room tidy, and responsibility for a few bits of light housework. she should put her own clothes into a laundry basket or bin if you have one, she should tidy her own posessions out of shared spaces e.g. living room and hallways (and hang up her coat and bag when she gets in from school), and she should have sole responsibility for two or three of the following every day or every second day:
Illegal fireworks lands man in jail | Napa Valley Register::
It can be hazardous for people to set off fireworks. But Felony Endangerment? My gosh. 11-year-old stuck in elevator for an hour (3690)
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washing/drying the dishes (or emptying the dishwasher if you have one)
setting the table for dinner
helping to cook (with you or your partner) e.g. chopping veg/make a salad etc
emptying the rubbish bin
hoovering/sweeping the floor
dusting
clearing the table after meals
in reward for these things, she should receive a small amount of pocket money each week - when i was about that age my mother introduced a bonus where we'd get a basic rate of pocket money with bonuses for keeping our rooms clean and tidy and for taking on extra chores beyond the ones we were expected to be responsible for. for example, on top of our weekly pocket money which wasn't really enough to buy much without saving, we would get an extra £4/hour for doing things like cleaning the bathroom, hoovering the stairs or washing the car. we were expected to set/clear the dinner table, put our laundry into the hamper and clear our own bedrooms without extra payment, but refusal to do these things could result in stopping our pocket money altogether.
you and your partner should have a serious discussion between the two of you as to what you will and won't accept from her in terms of swearing, backchat, disobedience and noise levels. you should also set out a scale of punishment from mild (tell her off but take no further action) to severe (grounding, stopping pocket money, withdrawing possessions or privileges) and what sorts of offences would merit each action. these things should be agreed between you and then the child should be told clearly and directly what the rules are and warned from the start that you will take it very seriously if she does not follow them.
if she breaks a rule, or behaves in a way that you don't approve of, she should be given just ONE warning, and then if she continues to transgress she should be put on a punishment straight away with no further warning, and that punishment should be adhered to until you get a proper and sincere apology for her behaviour. once punishment is ended and you are satisfied that she has understood who is in charge, you should forgive and forget the incident - it is dealt with, and is therefore not to be raised in future disputes.
beyond this setting of rules, you should allow her some privileges as well. she should be allowed to invite friends to the house as long as they play in a civilised and non-disruptive manner, and they clear up after themselves to some extent. she should be allowed to go to the local shop with a pal or out on activities with friends as long as she returns by a time specified by you and agreed by her before she leaves - if you trust her to behave herself whilst out in public, she will most likely respond by being worthy of that trust. if she starts coming back later than she has agreed to or you find out she has been places other than where you thought she was, then this privilege can be withdrawn and you can ground her until she has earned your trust back - but you should give her chances within the home to earn this again e.g. tell her to turn the television off at a certain time and go and do something else, and if she does that then consider letting her out again.
you should set her a bedtime that is appropriate to how much sleep she requires - and if you find she is tired and bad-tempered by the end of the day, make it a little earlier. see that she is in bed, or at least in her own room being quiet, by this time every night - you need to keep some time at the end of the day for you to be with your partner without her around - couple time is very important!
having said that, when she is up and around after school and at weekends, take an interest in her and spend time with her either doing activities in the house (like drawing or painting, and helping with her homework if she needs it), or taking her out e.g. to sports, bowling, the cinema, etc etc. if she has this time with you and you can get to know her really well, she will feel much more comfortable approaching you and your partner if she has any problems in or out of the home. you can tell her that you are available to listen to what she has to say on any subject.
you should also make it clear that whilst the rules are not under negotiation, you will hear her out if she feels they are unfair. you should explain to her why you have chosen to set th
You wouldn't want to be too permissive but also not too strict. There has to be a good balance between the two. And punishment has to stick, try to stay away from empty threats or she'll never take you serious...If you threaten to take the phone/game/etc away do it. But you also want her to feel open enough to where she can confide in you guys, girls this age have lots of questions they will never ask and just find out on their own. Not to mention they can be sneaky, so give her some freedom but always with a watchful eye. Hope this helps, girls can be tough at this age; Good Luck!
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What household rules should be set for an 11 year old?